Rather than just agreeing to a second date because you feel obliged to, you should take the time to dig deeper and analyze how your first date actually went. “Dating can bring up a lot of emotions, insecurities, expectations, and connections to the past or other relationships,” relationship psychotherapist Kelly Bos, MSW, RSW, tells mbg. “It can be hard to get a sense of what we are feeling after a first date while we are sifting through it all. It is important to slow down and mindfully bring ourselves to the present, not an imagined future or tying it to the past.” If the answers to your questions were mostly negative, don’t feel pressured to continue to go out with that person. “If there are a lot of red flags, you might have your answer there and give date two a hard pass,” says Bos. However, you do want to pay attention to the type of questions that have negative answers. “Unless the ’no’ reasons are major, like they were rude; made you feel bad; were mean, angry, or offensive; or had lifestyle differences that don’t work for you and your life, then focus on the yeses,” says House. When your answers are split down the middle, it can be even more difficult to figure out how to proceed. “A helpful question to ask ourselves if we are struggling is, ‘What might a friend I trust suggest, or what would I tell a friend in a similar situation?’” says Bos. “This can sometimes bring a world of clarity.” Some questions will matter more to you than others, so it’s up to you to be honest to yourself about what you consider a deal-breaker or something you could see shifting over time. Go in with an open mind—just be clear with yourself about what you want out of dating, whether it’s long term or just for fun.
