If a recent experience of getting ghosted has you in despair, here are three positive ways you can respond to this less-than-desirable situation: Ghosting anyone—whether it’s a dating prospect, a friend, or a family member—is indicative of a myriad of emotional hang-ups. The level of engagement is equal to the ghost’s level of emotional capability. When someone ghosts you, they are essentially communicating to you in no uncertain terms that they are selfish, disrespectful of the feelings of others (namely yours), and that they are unable to handle even the simplest forms of discomfort or difficulty. To be clear, we’re not saying people who ghost are “bad” people; it’s just where they’re at at this point of their emotional journey. Plus, when it comes to finding a true partner, you want someone who is just as wonderful on a first date as they are when life gets real. You are worthy and deserving of better. This experience is a reminder to you of how painful, confusing, and infuriating it feels to be abandoned without warning—so use this opportunity to commit to being better than the ghost. The next time you have to let someone down, say no to a second date, or draw a new boundary with someone, make an agreement with yourself to show up fully. Think about what you would have wanted from your ghost and offer that to the next person. Respect them enough to be honest with them, and allow them to have the feelings they will have about it. Not only will you grow in the process, but you’ll also be helping to ease another person’s pain or discomfort by not adding the doubly painful experience of ghosting them. The level of respect and care you give yourself is equal to the respect and care that you’re able to give another. Furthermore, the more you love yourself, the more aware you are of when someone is loving you well—and when they’re not. If you fall into a deep depression when dating experiences go awry, it may be time to look for any illusions you may have about what being in a relationship means (i.e., “Once I find ‘The One,’ I’ll finally be happy/successful/worthy”). If you find that you rush into new relationships or are too quick to intimacy, this is a good time to examine why. Taking the time to love yourself while also looking at what you can do differently next time is a massive step toward personal growth. Offer yourself the compassion you wanted as you are simultaneously looking for ways to be even more open and honest with the people in your life. Let these moments of pain and confusion motivate you to rise above, to further your growth, and to course-correct in the direction you truly want to go. Let it inspire you to offer even more empathy every day, to connect with the people you love in deeper ways, and to take advantage of every opportunity to turn toward intimacy instead of away from it. Most importantly, you are now free to pursue the fulfilling, happy relationship you are destined to have.
