This year’s holiday season is a paradoxical source of joy and tension. Even those who’ve never suffered from anxiety and stress are wrestling with a sense of overwhelm after months of pandemic-related life changes. Those with pre-existing mental health issues are discovering that additional stressors—and disrupted holiday traditions—are exacerbating anxiety, stress, and depression. The groups that may be hit the hardest include those who are isolated due to relationship status, health issues, age, or strict social distancing preferences. Your best defense this year is to embrace a proactive, balanced self-care stance. Here’s the approach I recommend for this year’s holiday season: Steer clear of comparing your plans to what your friends are doing. If social media posts leave you feeling deflated—which happens all too often—give yourself a break from comparison-inducing scrolling. Instead, turn your energy toward joys and blessings in your own life. Without judgment, express your comfort level and social distancing needs. If others’ needs are different from yours and mutual compromise isn’t possible, simply decline the invitation in a positive way. For example, you might say, “I can’t attend in person, but I’ll be with you in spirit.” Remember that this is one year out of many celebrations you’ll be able to enjoy; that truth will help you keep things in perspective. Symbolic gestures matter, too! Light candles for each other, send decorations or ornaments via mail, and mail batches of freshly made holiday goods. When you do attend gatherings, feel free to limit your stay to a time frame that feels right and doable for you. Be aware of your personal needs, whether that’s having smaller gatherings, limiting the duration of your stays, or having more one-on-one conversations rather than group chats. If you’re pressured to do more than is right for you, realize that the pressuring person has poor boundaries. Gracefully stick to your truth and needs. Once you are aware of your triggers—whether it’s food, certain people, or doing too much—you can take specific steps to reduce the stress-inducing issues. This can include taking a timeout, going for a walk, or finding a quiet place to breathe. As an introvert, I find that I frequently need mental health timeouts—even during my own parties. One year, my partner found me happily sweeping the floor in the kitchen to de-stress while guests boisterously rang in the New Year. If this resonates with you, you might find that doing simple tasks during holiday festivities—whether taking along knitting, a book to read, or helping with cleanup—is just what you need to reduce stress. You don’t need to overtly ignore certain people or get into disagreements. The trick is to keep difficult individuals at arm’s length by kindly acknowledging their presence but refusing to engage in negative ways. For example, if you know that Aunt Pitty is sure to be critical and compare you to her high-achieving children, simply smile and offer her a holiday greeting. If she tries to start up conversations that are negative, quickly excuse yourself from the table or gathering area. In time, she’ll get the message that you’re not interested in her negative interactions. As 2020 draws to a close, take a moment to appreciate yourself and all that you are. This year has been challenging, and the fact that you are here—curious, willing, and appreciative—is a huge success in itself. May your holidays and the coming year be filled with what matters: huge doses of love and light. Blending traditional psychotherapy with alternative mindfulness practices, Manly knows the importance of creating healthy balance, awareness, and positivity in life. Recognizing the need for greater somatic awareness in society, Dr. Manly has integrated components of mindfulness, meditation, and yoga into her private psychotherapy practice and public course offerings. Her psychotherapeutic model offers a highly personalized approach that focuses on discovering and understanding each individual’s unique needs and life-path goals.
