With that in mind, it’s also important to recognize any feelings of shame surrounding the cheating, relationship therapist Ken Page, LCSW, explains. Thoughts like, “I’m not attractive enough,” or “Why did my last partner want someone else?” may come up, as you attempt to blame yourself for your partner’s poor choices. This requires “a lot of tender care and support,” he adds. “These wounds can be healed, but they need to be healed with a great deal of trust, ongoing conversation, and usually deep support,” Page says. “Understand that it will be a vulnerable point, and make space for that in your conversation with your new partner.” As Page notes, a support group for people who’ve experienced cheating may also be incredibly validating and eye-opening to you. But ultimately, “You definitely want to speak to people you feel are understanding and make space for you and your needs,” he says, echoing Birkel that you can always use trusted friends as a sounding board when you’re having lapses in trust. Page recommends therapies like EMDR, brainspotting, somatic experiencing, and accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy (AEDP). He also recommends EFT tapping, which can be self-administered and is “very powerful for dealing with trauma” and “helpful for finding our resilience, balance, and inner wisdom.” “Use your newly increased sense of discrimination to recognize deep integrity in your partner,” he says. “You want someone who will remain integrity-based, especially at those times when it’s difficult to do so. Seeing that happen will go a long way toward helping you trust your next partner.” While it may take time, patience, and deep healing, having a healthy and trusting relationship after you were cheated on is entirely possible. It may not be easy, but when you can learn to be open and vulnerable in all the right ways, get to the root of your healing, and finally start trusting again, your relationship going forward will be that much stronger.
