As they get older, Sherman notes, this independence can also translate into a need for more space than others have. However, as Beurkens adds, while they may “struggle with some adjustment issues when they get old enough to enter school and engage with peers, that mostly depends on the opportunities they’ve had as younger children to be around other kids.” She adds that research hasn’t shown the self-absorbed only-child stereotype to be true. Yes, they do tend to get more attention from their parents than those with one, two, or more siblings. However, “Research shows this has primarily positive benefits for their cognitive, social, and emotional development2,” Beurkens says. Ultimately, the lasting impacts of being an only child likely come from “being alone a lot, spending lots of time with parents, feeling pressure to succeed, having parents’ attention all the time, and getting most of their needs and desires fulfilled,” Sherman explains. None of those things are negative, necessarily—unless the only child doesn’t have many opportunities to socialize with people outside their family and, specifically, with other children. “They may have some difficulties initially when engaging in school, sports, social activities […] but this isn’t an across-the-board problem, and over time these kids catch up with their skills and comfort level in this arena,” Beurkens adds. It ultimately comes down to the individual, how much they’ve matured, and the nuances of their childhood. “A lot of their behavior as adults depends on the type of relationship they had with their parents3 as a child, which is true for any person, whether or not they’re an only child,” Beurkens explains, adding, “the concept of ‘only-child syndrome’ has largely been debunked in the research. For parents, it’s very important to allow your only child to get plenty of socialization. “Teach them to share and compromise, and encourage them to play with other children and on teams,” Sherman says. As Beurkens notes, “Make sure they have opportunities to be around people outside the family unit, specifically other kids as they go through their early childhood years and beyond.” With only one kid to give attention to, parents also want to be mindful not to overdo it with coddling, according to Beurkens, to help them develop their own resilience and problem-solving skills. “Let your child make decisions alone, and don’t pressure them to overachieve,” Sherman adds. And if you’re dating an only child, Sherman says it’s important to realize they may need their space and independence due to their family dynamic. “They may need to learn to compromise and to share. They also may crave attention and may not understand when you are giving other relationships attention instead of them,” she says.
