As holistic child and family psychologist Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., CNS, tells mbg, social butterflies place a high priority on connecting with others, actively seeking plans and conversation. These folks can also be considered extroverts, which certified couples’ therapist Alicia Muñoz, LPC, previously described to mbg as someone who gets their energy through socializing and going out and is more inclined to focus on external activities, people, and events. They love going out to events, have no problem meeting new people, and often, these butterflies will find themselves flying between multiple friend groups. They’re friendly and warm because they genuinely love spending time with people. They have no problem keeping their social calendars full because others enjoy hanging out with them too. “Some social butterflies find that this creates problems for them in a work environment,” she notes, “where they may spend more time chatting with co-workers or doing other socially oriented things than actually getting their work done.” They may also struggle when it comes to being on time to things, “as many social butterflies will stop along the way to talk with others they run into,” she says, adding, for example, they may “take the call from a friend when they should be rushing to get out the door to a class or an appointment.” They may feel overwhelmed by other people’s needs and issues, Beurkens says, as they “often hear about the problems people are encountering.” And of course, they also may struggle with taking on too much, and “saying ‘yes’ to too many people and events,” she adds, which can also contribute to feelings of overwhelm. “They are likely to make impulsive decisions at the last minute, as opposed to committing and following through in advance,” Beurkens says, which can be “very frustrating for their friends and others in their lives.” Beurkens suggests investing in tools like a daily planner and alarms on your phone to help you stay on top of your commitments. This will ultimately help you stay more relaxed and organized and benefit those in your social circles too. “If a social butterfly knows that they tend to be late for work because they stop to chat with people on the train or on the way into the office,” she adds, “they should plan ahead to build in time for that behavior so they are still able to arrive at their office on time.” It’s also important for butterflies to really consider the times they want to be available—and unavailable—to others, “to avoid becoming consumed with other people’s problems and issues,” Beurkens says. This is easier said than done for a social butterfly, “but it’s important to set some boundaries around this for their own mental health,” she adds. And to help manage the impulse to drop what you’re doing and hang out with a friend or get on an hourlong FaceTime, Beurkens suggests creating a list of your top priorities that you can check in with. Haven’t finished your online Pilates class? Your friend calling can wait! Anything that can help a social butterfly pause to consider the situation before impulsively deciding to hang out with people will be beneficial to them. This takes a degree of balance, which brings us to our next point. It can be a bit of a compromise, particularly if you’re more introverted, or at least less socially inclined than they are. Be firm when you want them to follow through, but know if for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, it’s likely not personal. “By being upfront and honest with them, you give them a chance to shift their behavior to preserve the relationship—whether that’s in the office or with a friend.”
