This path is simple but profound: It’s about wholeheartedly celebrating the sacredness of our bodies and desires while bringing a quality of mindful awareness to the shared expression of pleasure. Through this holistic approach, sensuality also becomes a doorway to beingness, to the divine, and to a more intimate experience of the present moment. It refers to weaving together or uniting the masculine and feminine forces within all of us, heaven and earth, the human body with the transcendent, collapsing the polarities. The purpose of tantra is to discover an ecstatic union with all of life beyond the separate sense of self. Sacred or tantric sex—an aspect of tantra—is seen as one doorway to that transcendent truth, once we learn how to harness it. The simplest explanation of tantric intimacy is that it’s about bringing the fire of your sexual energy, passion, and desires into alignment with your heart, your spirit, and a sense of goodness in your life. When these forces come into balance and harmony, the sparks of interpersonal magic really start flying, and sex becomes something healing, empowering, transcendent, and profoundly beautiful. This kind of intimacy evokes your highest self and leaves you overflowing with love. Time slows down, your intuition expands, and you can find yourself in nearly psychedelic realms of orgasmic possibility that you might have only heard about or imagined. Sounds pretty good, huh? A typical tantra session involves the subtle realms of sex, including slow embraces, gentle caresses, getting present within the body, and focusing on the movement of energy between the partners’ bodies. Sometimes during tantric sex, you’re barely moving, and the focus is on the meditative, devotional dimension. If you relax and take things slowly, or ramp up and slow down the action, you can make love for hours, and the enjoyment can just keep building. People with penises might also explore practices like edging (getting close to orgasm and backing off), which builds their ability to last longer and hold more pleasure before flipping over into orgasm. That said, all sexual energy can be tantric when done with awareness. Tantric sex can dive into the raw, intense, and animalistic spaces, where the body’s instinctual intelligence takes over and you are blind to pleasure. Dominance and submission can be tantric as well. Breathwork is also central to tantric sex; people might use their breath and awareness to move sexual energy throughout their whole body, awakening their capacity for full-body pleasure (rather than pleasure localized specifically in the genitalia). But usually when Westerners use the word “tantra,” we are really talking about the field of “neotantra.” There are various complex and rigorous spiritual paths of “classical tantra,” which aim at full spiritual awakening or enlightenment as the goal. These include Kashmir Shaivism, a strand of religious philosophies from Kashmir and India, and the Vajrayana Buddhist path of India and Tibet. These paths often involve serious study and personal dedication, meditative practices, and can include various elements of ritual, such as the use of mantras, visualizations, and deity worship. Working with sexual energy was only a small part of the practice and was for advanced students only. By contrast, neotantra has developed over the last 150 years and aims specifically at more fulfilling intimacy and connection, a deeper connection to one’s own body and emotions, healing trauma and blocks, and opening to greater states of orgasmic ecstasy. This body of teachings has been deeply inspired by some of the core tenets of classical tantra, but it is important to acknowledge that much of what is taught and shared among modern tantric sex practitioners are not “ancient practices” in the literal sense, though meaningful and relevant in their own ways. Purify yourself by showering and dressing in something lovely; purify your space by tidying up and putting away the laundry piles. It’s also best to skip or go light on the substances in order to be fully present. Set intentions for this session of intimacy, such as, “My intention is to show you with my body how much I love you” or “I’m curious to explore deeply receiving.” Sit up straight on a pillow or chair facing your partner. You can look left eye to left eye or just gaze softly at both eyes, and you can also hold hands if you like. Let the love that is in your heart shine out through your eyes. Gazing at your beloved, see the divine spark in their eyes, marveling at the pure life force that is animating them. Feel the sacredness of this simple moment together. Try for two minutes. Notice what emotions or sensations come up, or if you feel tempted to look away. It isn’t a staring contest, so you can always close your eyes for a few seconds and then open them again. As you feel the love that is welling up in your heart for your partner, reach across and place your right hand on your partner’s heart (with consent), and they can place their right hand on your heart. Each person’s left hand then covers the hand on their own heart. Synchronize your breathing, with slow, deep, nourishing breaths. On the inhale, receive breath and love into your own heart, and on the exhale, send that love from your heart down your right arm and into your partner’s heart, making a circuit of love and energy flowing between you. Do this for about 10 breaths. In a tantric massage, one partner gets to just lie back and receive, getting the chance to tune into their pleasure and sexual energy and see how it wants to open up through their body, while the other partner moves their hands slowly and meditatively along their body to let them feel every single new sensation. Consider trying out the yoni massage (a tantric massage for the vagina and clitoris), lingam massage (a tantric massage for penises), and tantric nipple play. Tantra is about throwing all of that out the window and starting fresh with a beginner’s mind, redefining sex by making it more about intimacy, connection, and playful possibility rather than a race to the orgasm or a box to be checked. When you let go of goals like “getting someone off” or achieving anything in particular, there is literally endless room for discovery and such a wide range of what is possible. And whatever you’re experiencing now in terms of orgasm, you can safely assume there is way more to experience through tantric sex—more powerful orgasms, longer-lasting orgasms, non-ejaculatory orgasms and multiple orgasms for men, numerous kinds of orgasms for women, deep states of surrender, visionary states, and states of oneness with your partner and life itself. Sacred sexuality can also be an integral part of the path of awakening and personal evolution. Various spiritual teachers have admitted that orgasm is an experience that gives us a glimpse of divinity because there’s a melting of the regular egoic self in those moments of communion. When people get aligned in their sexuality, when their sexual “life force” energy is fully activated in them and connected to their hearts and spirits, they can become the most thriving, unstoppable, and inspired versions of themselves to go actualize their purpose in the world. Leslie is a Source Tantra Certified Tantra Educator Level 2 and has completed the International School of Temple Arts’ Levels 1-2, as well as a private mentorship with world-renowned tantra coach and healer Triambika MaVive. She has studied classical tantra in both the Kashmir Shaivist and Vajrayana Buddhist traditions and continues deepening in her own spiritual and sexual healing path. Her understanding of the healing power of tantra and the mind-body connection is also informed by her background in biopsychology and nursing, the Hakomi Institute’s Comprehensive Training in Somatic Psychotherapy, The Somatica Method of sex therapy and relationship coaching, and the Shamanic Medicine path. She is a trained transformational guide working with various shamanic tools including expanded states of consciousness to bring about healing and liberation on the deepest levels. After working for years as a registered nurse in hospice and end-of-life care, she came to the realization that life is indeed quite precious and short and felt a calling to help people become more fully alive through awakening their sexuality and connecting it with the wisdom of the heart. She is deeply devoted to helping men and women liberate their sexual energy and align themselves with love in order to be the most powerful force of change on the planet they can be. Stay connected with Leslie and the happenings at Ritual Tantra! Head to www.ritualtantra.com to receive her “Key Principles for Outrageous Tantric Lovemaking.”
