Part of the reason is because we’re entering into relationships for the wrong reasons. People find themselves unsatisfied in love because they lack a true purpose for being in it. The antidote? Moving toward what I like to call conscious relationships. As of now, most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This might work for a few years, but eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up unsatisfied as a result. But when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than gratification. The partnership becomes a journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfillment arise as a result. What it means is, you’re more committed to the experience of growth than you are to making the relationship “work.” The reality is, we’re here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong in the relationship. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose. Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we’re failing at romantic love. We want our partners to act in a certain way, we repress ourselves to please to others, and soon enough, we feel small, oppressed, and puzzled about who we’ve become. This, inevitably, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But the unfortunate truth is: we’ve caged ourselves. The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping the relationship alive. Even though growth is scary (because it takes us into the unknown), the couple is willing to strive towards expansion, even at the risk of outgrowing the relationship. Because of this, the relationship maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does, too. Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these shitty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused by our own attachment issues. The conscious couple is willing to look at their past and current issues in relationships because they know that by facing these beliefs systems, they can evolve into a new relationship reality. Dysfunctional patterns will dissolve, but only when we take responsibility for them, first. It’s rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you’re willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic. Like I already said, we’re used to molding and changing ourselves to please people we love because we don’t want them to stop loving us! This stifles the love out of our connections. The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share, and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your love. Sometimes we treat love like it’s a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when it’s not there, we’re not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love. Love is a journey and an exploration. It’s showing up for all varied nuances of your relationship and asking yourself, What would love do here? The answer will be different every time, and because of this, you’ll get to grow in ways you never have before. The conscious couple is fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love. And through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they would’ve never imagined before.
