For people who love with acts of service, love is not felt as much with abstract words and intention as it is with visible action and follow-through. Here’s everything you need to know about the pragmatic love language. At its core, an act of service is about someone going out of their way to meaningfully help and support the other person. When people take initiative to ease some of their responsibilities and burdens, it helps them feel taken care of, safe, and loved in return. Holistic therapist Medina Colaku, M.A., LAc, tells mbg, “An act of service is about dedicated time and effort, usually in a nonverbal way. It is quite literally showing up in ways that are tangible, meaning actions speak louder than words.” RELATED: What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know While going through the list, remember that an act of service is about more than doing household chores, delivering on some high-octane grand gesture, or how much one can accommodate their every desire to please them. It’s really about going after a much more emotionally subtle feeling where they feel like they can trust you to have their back, for the small and the big things. To strike the right balance in giving and avoid burnout, pay attention to their daily activities and notice where you can check things off their to-do list. Then, fold that into your schedule naturally. The theory describes the five ways he believes we best interpret, give, and communicate love: acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. For those whose primary love language is acts of service, they will appreciate the tactile, palpable steps you are taking to enhance or simplify their life by making it a little bit easier. When they don’t have to worry about the little but big things that give them stress, it allows them to fully show up as a partner and reciprocate love from a place of abundance. Colaku typically incorporates the love languages quiz into her clinical work to help facilitate understanding and conversations between individuals and couples. She finds it can be useful for people to examine how upbringing, attachment style, and experiences with early caregivers may have shaped their love language so they can see where the other person is coming from. “Discussing the love languages is an opportunity to be vulnerable with each other, as it allows us to go beyond simply discussing how we want things to be executed in the relationship but also how we came to translate that act of service equals being loved,” she says. RELATED: What It Means To Have Quality Time As A Love Language + How To Show Love This Way It shows that there’s been consideration for their needs and that you’re doing things to put a smile on their face. “This can range from small acts such as making a coffee to go for them in the morning to save a few minutes to putting jumper cables and a backup battery in their car.” Colaku says it is highly beneficial to explore and inquire into what they’re specifically looking for. “Be mindful and recognize what your partner states that they appreciate, what they don’t enjoy doing, as well as observing how they live their daily life in action.” Observation can only go so far, and since you can’t read each other’s minds, it’s important that there are conversations about met and unmet expectations and what both parties are hoping for. This can defuse underlying tension and conflict later on. “This is not a one-time conversation but rather an ever-evolving conversation where the partners can check in with one another weekly, biweekly, or monthly to touch base on how their needs are being met by each other and if they are satisfied,” Colaku explains. Frequent communication is essential so couples aren’t practicing the love languages theory robotically to gain affection but rather using it for what it’s intended to be: a jumping-off point to develop a deeper curiosity with each other.
